• Sign up or login, and you'll have full access to opportunities of forum.

Barb goes BATS

Go to CruxDreams.com
Barbaria1 said:
disdain.

“Come to think of it,” mused the Countess thoughtfully, “I can’t help but think that every time Messaline says, ‘Oui, Madame’, there is a quite palpable note of contempt in the way she says it. It never occurred to me before but perhaps she is a witch too?”

“Anything and everything is indeed possible,” agreed the Vicar, “She is, after all, French.”
Click to expand...
Like the legendary Vicar of Bray,
This Vicar’s opinions can sway.
If he wants witches burned,
There is one thing he’s learned:
Just let the Countess have her way!
 
Barbaria1 said:
9.

“Oh, do show the good Vicar up at once, Mister @Apostate instructed the Countess @Wragg, with a reproachful tone that conveyed the level of her annoyance with the butler. “Had you spent less time peeking through the keyhole rather than attending to the good Vicar’s comfort, he’d hardly have become impatient now, would he have?”

“Well, it was young @Kathy ’s afternoon off. What was I to do?” grumbled the Butler defensively.

“Surely, Apostate, you could have thought of something? You might have gone and fetched her anyway, or at the very least found someone else on the staff for the Vicar to cane!”

“Yes, your Ladyship. Shall I fetch the Vicar @Praefectus Praetorio now?”

“Of course. Bring him here to my boudoir, and fetch Kathy too!”

“At once, your Ladyship.”

Turning to @messaline and me, the Countess quickly explained with a sly wink that the Vicar came around every afternoon for tea and special entertainment. I gathered that the sly wink had to do with the special entertainments part. And this was the woman who denounced me before the town magistrates for consorting with the Devil?

“Messaline, my dear, please put something on and go downstairs and ask them to prepare tea and cakes for four.”

“Oui, Madame.”

“That all sounds very nice, but I really must be going,” I announced gaily in the hope that I might get away with it.”

“Not so fast, Miss Moore. You’re headed for the gaol to await your execution at tomorrow’s witch burning, or have you forgotten?”

“No, your Ladyship, I hadn’t but I was hoping you might have.”

“Messaline, dear, while you’re downstairs please send back up here those two men who brought Miss Moore to us. Inform them she needs to be restrained again.”

“Oui, Madame, messieurs @Loxuru et @Harsh Martinet, je crois.”

In a desperate bid for freedom I took that moment to bolt for the door … only to find it locked.

“Oh Shit!” I said.

“Tsk Tsk,” chastised the Countess. “Such bad manners, Miss Moore! Now the Vicar and I will have to have you punished … along with that worthless maid servant, Kathy, who ought to have known better than to take an afternoon off when the good Vicar is expected.”

“Punished? I’ve already been tortured under interrogation and condemned to be burned alive! Isn’t that enough for one day? No fair!”

Totally ignoring my indignant outburst, the Countess announced brightly, “Ahh, here is Messaline with the tea and cakes, and the Vicar, along with Loxoru and Martinet too. And Apostate has located Kathy as well. Splendid, splendid! It’s so very good to see you Vicar. It was most gracious of you to come for a visit, and my apologies for keeping you waiting. Do join us now for refreshments followed by some jolly good entertainments.”

“Thank you, Countess,” replied the Vicar, executing a stiff courtly bow. “I’d be delighted, and am very much looking forward to the … ahem … entertainments. I see we have Kathy, the naughty maid servant to punish, and … my word! … can it be true? … the recently confessed witch and former barmaid slut, Miss Moore, as well!”

“Yes, yes, all in good time. Now Messaline, my dear, would you be so kind as to please serve the tea and cakes.”

“Oui, Madame.”

“And Loxoru and Martinet, would you please escort Kathy and Miss Moore to the cellar and prepare them for a good caning? You’ll find that Lord Wragg, being a firm believer in staff discipline here at Cruxton Abbey, keeps a well equipped punishment room down there. You’ll find whatever you require to restrain the two wenches in an appropriately exposed to receive whatever the good Vicar believes they have coming to them. I leave the details to your professionalism. Mister Apostate will show you the way and assist in any way you may require.”

At which point, the Vicar leaned conspiratorially toward the Countess to whisper something in her ear.

She looked surprised at first, but then beamed with appreciative understanding and obvious anticipation before exclaiming, “Why yes, what an exciting suggestion!”

The Vicar beamed and accepted a cup of tea and a small cake from Messaline, but not without undertaking an appreciative scrutiny of her tantalizingly exposed charms as she leaned forward to serve him.

“Messaline, my dear, when you’ve finished serving, you may accompany the others to the cellar too. The Vicar has suggested to me that he fancies applying the cane to your posterior as well.”

“Oui, Madame, but why?”

“Because you’re French and, as everyone knows, the French are nearly always very naughty, n'est-ce pas?” answered the Vicar with a condescendingly superior smile.

She said nothing in reply, but regarded him openly with sullen disdain.

“Come to think of it,” mused the Countess thoughtfully, “I can’t help but think that every time Messaline says, ‘Oui, Madame’, there is a quite palpable note of contempt in the way she says it. It never occurred to me before but perhaps she is a witch too?”

“Anything and everything is indeed possible,” agreed the Vicar, “She is, after all, French.”

“And, perhaps Kathy is a witch as well? She is nearly as much trouble as Miss Moore was when she was in service here. And come to think of it, I have noticed his Lordship eyeing her in much the same way that I recall seeing him eye Miss Moore. Surely that suggests the work of the Devil at play?”

“Then, we can only conclude that all three of them must be witches!” exclaimed the Vicar, displaying a look of profound discovery and distaste.

“Well, why stop at caning them then? We can interrogate them as well,” interjected Loxoru helpfully.

“Yes, would his Lordship possibly have a wooden horse on hand down in that cellar punishment room?” enthused Harsh Martinet.

“Shall we pray,” the Vicar said, bowing his head reverently.

TBC
Click to expand...
No cellar punishment room is complete without a wooden horse ;)
 
Barbaria1 said:
9.

“Oh, do show the good Vicar up at once, Mister @Apostate instructed the Countess @Wragg, with a reproachful tone that conveyed the level of her annoyance with the butler. “Had you spent less time peeking through the keyhole rather than attending to the good Vicar’s comfort, he’d hardly have become impatient now, would he have?”

“Well, it was young @Kathy ’s afternoon off. What was I to do?” grumbled the Butler defensively.

“Surely, Apostate, you could have thought of something? You might have gone and fetched her anyway, or at the very least found someone else on the staff for the Vicar to cane!”

“Yes, your Ladyship. Shall I fetch the Vicar @Praefectus Praetorio now?”

“Of course. Bring him here to my boudoir, and fetch Kathy too!”

“At once, your Ladyship.”

Turning to @messaline and me, the Countess quickly explained with a sly wink that the Vicar came around every afternoon for tea and special entertainment. I gathered that the sly wink had to do with the special entertainments part. And this was the woman who denounced me before the town magistrates for consorting with the Devil?

“Messaline, my dear, please put something on and go downstairs and ask them to prepare tea and cakes for four.”

“Oui, Madame.”

“That all sounds very nice, but I really must be going,” I announced gaily in the hope that I might get away with it.”

“Not so fast, Miss Moore. You’re headed for the gaol to await your execution at tomorrow’s witch burning, or have you forgotten?”

“No, your Ladyship, I hadn’t but I was hoping you might have.”

“Messaline, dear, while you’re downstairs please send back up here those two men who brought Miss Moore to us. Inform them she needs to be restrained again.”

“Oui, Madame, messieurs @Loxuru et @Harsh Martinet, je crois.”

In a desperate bid for freedom I took that moment to bolt for the door … only to find it locked.

“Oh Shit!” I said.

“Tsk Tsk,” chastised the Countess. “Such bad manners, Miss Moore! Now the Vicar and I will have to have you punished … along with that worthless maid servant, Kathy, who ought to have known better than to take an afternoon off when the good Vicar is expected.”

“Punished? I’ve already been tortured under interrogation and condemned to be burned alive! Isn’t that enough for one day? No fair!”

Totally ignoring my indignant outburst, the Countess announced brightly, “Ahh, here is Messaline with the tea and cakes, and the Vicar, along with Loxoru and Martinet too. And Apostate has located Kathy as well. Splendid, splendid! It’s so very good to see you Vicar. It was most gracious of you to come for a visit, and my apologies for keeping you waiting. Do join us now for refreshments followed by some jolly good entertainments.”

“Thank you, Countess,” replied the Vicar, executing a stiff courtly bow. “I’d be delighted, and am very much looking forward to the … ahem … entertainments. I see we have Kathy, the naughty maid servant to punish, and … my word! … can it be true? … the recently confessed witch and former barmaid slut, Miss Moore, as well!”

“Yes, yes, all in good time. Now Messaline, my dear, would you be so kind as to please serve the tea and cakes.”

“Oui, Madame.”

“And Loxoru and Martinet, would you please escort Kathy and Miss Moore to the cellar and prepare them for a good caning? You’ll find that Lord Wragg, being a firm believer in staff discipline here at Cruxton Abbey, keeps a well equipped punishment room down there. You’ll find whatever you require to restrain the two wenches in an appropriately exposed to receive whatever the good Vicar believes they have coming to them. I leave the details to your professionalism. Mister Apostate will show you the way and assist in any way you may require.”

At which point, the Vicar leaned conspiratorially toward the Countess to whisper something in her ear.

She looked surprised at first, but then beamed with appreciative understanding and obvious anticipation before exclaiming, “Why yes, what an exciting suggestion!”

The Vicar beamed and accepted a cup of tea and a small cake from Messaline, but not without undertaking an appreciative scrutiny of her tantalizingly exposed charms as she leaned forward to serve him.

“Messaline, my dear, when you’ve finished serving, you may accompany the others to the cellar too. The Vicar has suggested to me that he fancies applying the cane to your posterior as well.”

“Oui, Madame, but why?”

“Because you’re French and, as everyone knows, the French are nearly always very naughty, n'est-ce pas?” answered the Vicar with a condescendingly superior smile.

She said nothing in reply, but regarded him openly with sullen disdain.

“Come to think of it,” mused the Countess thoughtfully, “I can’t help but think that every time Messaline says, ‘Oui, Madame’, there is a quite palpable note of contempt in the way she says it. It never occurred to me before but perhaps she is a witch too?”

“Anything and everything is indeed possible,” agreed the Vicar, “She is, after all, French.”

“And, perhaps Kathy is a witch as well? She is nearly as much trouble as Miss Moore was when she was in service here. And come to think of it, I have noticed his Lordship eyeing her in much the same way that I recall seeing him eye Miss Moore. Surely that suggests the work of the Devil at play?”

“Then, we can only conclude that all three of them must be witches!” exclaimed the Vicar, displaying a look of profound discovery and distaste.

“Well, why stop at caning them then? We can interrogate them as well,” interjected Loxoru helpfully.

“Yes, would his Lordship possibly have a wooden horse on hand down in that cellar punishment room?” enthused Harsh Martinet.

“Shall we pray,” the Vicar said, bowing his head reverently.

TBC
Click to expand...
Well, you have to admit that old Wragg has excellent taste in women...
 
Some of you may know I post some old songs on the “Now This is not Funny” thread

I update them with pictures from the Forums. A couple of days ago, Eulalia sent me a PM suggesting I do an old classic French song by Edith Piaf.

Little did I know then that, once translated, if would fit this thread perfectly!

Now, I don’t speak French, nor do I have a French-English dictionary, but I do consider myself an expert in Latin-root Linguistics. You see, about twenty years ago I read an article about it (well, to be honest I read about a fourth of the article – it was pretty boring) (well, to be perfectly honest, after twenty years, I can’t be a hundred percent sure it wasn’t an article about gardening in Italy while speaking Italian).

Anyway, how hard could it be to translate? So, I did the translation by the seat of my pants and was amazed at how it predicted this thread. And Edith sang this in 1945!

I’m sure @messaline or @Eulalia will vouch for my translation.

Best viewed in full-screen mode.

View attachment witch z.mp4

See what I mean? Perfect fit, non?
 
Last edited:
ledoux said:
Some of you may know I post some old songs on the “Now This is not Funny” thread

I update them with pictures from the Forums. A couple of days ago, Eulalia sent me a PM suggesting I do an old classic French song by Edith Piaf.

Little did I know then that, once translated, if would fit this thread perfectly!

Now, I don’t speak French, nor do I have a French-English dictionary, but I do consider myself an expert in Latin-root Linguistics. You see, about twenty years ago I read an article about it (well, to be honest I read about a fourth of the article – it was pretty boring) (well, to be perfectly honest, after twenty years, I can’t be a hundred percent sure it wasn’t an article about gardening in Italy while speaking Italian).

Anyway, how hard could it be to translate? So, I did the translation by the seat of my pants and was amazed at how it predicted this thread. And Edith sang this in 1945!

I’m sure @messaline or @Eulalia will vouch for my translation.

Best viewed in full-screen mode.

View attachment 1023452

See what I mean? Perfect fit, non?
Click to expand...
Ah yes, you've 'captured the spirit' of the song! Well, Le Roman de la Rose is all about getting to 'pluck' the maiden's 'rose', and Piaf is singing about being captured and everything going pink :p
 
Barbaria1 said:
“Punished? I’ve already been tortured under interrogation and condemned to be burned alive! Isn’t that enough for one day? No fair!”
Click to expand...
That whining complaint alone justifies BATS.
Barbaria1 said:
“Thank you, Countess,” replied the Vicar, executing a stiff courtly bow. “I’d be delighted, and am very much looking forward to the … ahem … entertainments. I see we have Kathy, the naughty maid servant to punish,
Click to expand...
Clearly a man of refined manners and impeccable breeding!
Barbaria1 said:
“Anything and everything is indeed possible,” agreed the Vicar, “She is, after all, French.”
Click to expand...
1624479130500.png
Barbaria1 said:
“Shall we pray,” the Vicar said, bowing his head reverently.
Click to expand...
Such a saintly person. It is hard to fully express the admiration for the man.
"For what we are about to receive (and dish out) make us truly thankful!"
twonines said:
He thinks all three bitches
Are possibly witches,
And should be burnt in the Town Square
Click to expand...
The Vicar is a devout Trinitarian!
montycrusto said:
And see which of the witch bitches snitches.
Click to expand...
Wonderful expression, Monty!

The most fun chapter, Barb. Keep up the good work!
 
Last edited:
ledoux said:
Some of you may know I post some old songs on the “Now This is not Funny” thread

I update them with pictures from the Forums. A couple of days ago, Eulalia sent me a PM suggesting I do an old classic French song by Edith Piaf.

Little did I know then that, once translated, if would fit this thread perfectly!

Now, I don’t speak French, nor do I have a French-English dictionary, but I do consider myself an expert in Latin-root Linguistics. You see, about twenty years ago I read an article about it (well, to be honest I read about a fourth of the article – it was pretty boring) (well, to be perfectly honest, after twenty years, I can’t be a hundred percent sure it wasn’t an article about gardening in Italy while speaking Italian).

Anyway, how hard could it be to translate? So, I did the translation by the seat of my pants and was amazed at how it predicted this thread. And Edith sang this in 1945!

I’m sure @messaline or @Eulalia will vouch for my translation.

Best viewed in full-screen mode.

View attachment 1023508

See what I mean? Perfect fit, non?
Click to expand...
We also can ... after having drunk some glasses ...

188-article-la-vie-en-rose-400x600.jpg

NOTES DE DÉGUSTATION
Derrière une robe saumonée peu soutenue, ce rosé à dominante de grenache se dévoile sur une matière pleine, avec des fruits frais (fraise écrasée) d’une légère structure tannique. La finale est souple et gourmande.

TASTING NOTES
Behind a salmon color little supported, this rosé dominated by grenache is revealed on a full material, with fresh fruits (crushed strawberry) of a slight tannic structure. The finish is flexible and greedy.

:cbiggrin:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom