Bridewell, My Penance, My Pain Chapter 43
I try to reach out and touch Richard but the shackles prevent me from reaching him. I want to take him in my arms and hold his body close to mine. I want to once again, feel his heart beat against against my chest. I want to feel the tenderness of his touch as he explores my naked body. I want to once again feel his soft lips as we passionately kiss.
I never thought that I would ever find true love, especially after I was sent to this vile place they call Bridewell. I thought I had found love with my first husband but that had been nothing more than a roux to obtain what money I had saved over the years of working the shop, to feed his gambling habit. He showed me no tenderness nor love after we wed. I thought at the time that maybe that was the lot of married woman.
It is totally my husbands fault that I am here. But I am to blame too. I was foolish enough to fall for his charade and that is why I find myself in this place. That is why I take each punishment, as they are meted out to me, as a penance for being so gullible. The closet where I suffered so, the lash, the cane, the pillory are all crosses that I must bear for being so daft.
I have become hardened by this brutal place, vowing that I will let no man be my master. I had groan to loath all men, especially Miles Cowerd and Governor Abbott. Men with money and power who thought that they could dominate any woman because of their position. Miles and the governor have persecuted me since I set foot in this place but they have not been able to break me.
Then Richard came into my life. I started, when I detected the kindness his eyes showed after one of my ordeals. Then he kept turning up to lift my spirits and strengthen my will without ever uttering a word. Just the calm and caring look in his eyes began to carry me through the pain.
Once we came to meet in the prison infirmary, he stole my heart. I never thought that I could experience a love like this. It has consumed me. I am his forever more. I have moved out of my “shell of protection”.
I am no longer the most important thing. This man who has made his way into my life has become the focus of my being.
I try speaking to him in a reassuring tone but I get no response as he flits in and out of consciousness. I want to tell him how sorry I am that this has happened to him because of me. I am devastated that I am unable to give him comfort when he needs it the most.
The door opens and Margaret, one of the physicians assistants enters the room. I cry out immediately, “Please, please help him.”
I see her feel for his pulse. I see her gently cover his body with a light blanket. “ Is he alright” I ask. She looks at me sternly “ You are the cause of his suffering. It is because of you that he lays here in such a state. Stay away from him. You blight everything you touch in this place, Pennyworth.
I anger immediately and want to lash out at her but the realization washes over me that she is right. I have caused nothing but pain and suffering for all of those who have become close to me. Alice was whipped just because she became my friend, Ellsbeth has been brutalized and become addIed due to my friendship, and now my beloved Richard lies near death because of me. I must make a decision, a decision that I wish I do not have to make, a decision that needs to be made immediately.
I must sign the letters of indenture. I know that I am sentencing myself to a life of pain and debauchery beyond anything I could ever imagine. I know that I will be a plaything for Miles and Lydia. They will force me into all manner of carnal debauchery with each of them and their rich friends. I will be their pet, maybe chained, whipped and caned for their pleasure. I will be their slave. They will do whatever they want to do with me for the next thirty years if I live that long.
I will subject myself to all of this if the governor keeps his word. If this means that Richard will be spared any more ill treatment. I have to take the chance, although I find the governor a brutal man, he seems to be a man of his word. I know my lot will not be pleasant with Miles and Lydia, I will gladly take it, if the man I love does not suffer any more for me.
The governor, the surgeon, and two male guards enter the room unexpectedly. Before I can say a thing the governor tells the guards “ Take this prisoner now, truss him to the post. He’s rested long enough, The cat will take the skin off his back, then we’ll see how cheeky he is.” Both the governor and Margaret tell the governor that Richard will not survive the lash.
The words come to my throat as I see the guards begin to unshackled Richard from the bed. “ I’ll do it” I cry out. “ If your promise to stop his punishment and guarantee his release is true, I will sign the papers.” The governor smiles and adds “ So you have finally come to your senses Pennyworth. The original offer still stands but with one caveat and I think you know what that is. I do know what he means and although I loath it, I know that for Richards sake I must comply.
I nod my head in affirming that I understand. I beg the governor to release me from my shackles. He agrees and soon I hold Richard in my arms. I hold him tight he does not respond, but I feel that he knows I’m there. I tell him that I love him and that I have to do this for him. The Governor takes my arm and leads me away, my heart aches and my eyes fill with tears as I glance back at the man I love. Sure that it is the last time I will ever see him.
Livia
After months at sea ,Livia knows that she has cemented a place in the first mates heart. Uncharacteristically she has eagerly taken care of all of Collin’s emotional and carnal needs. But she has yet to convince him that he needs to aid her escape at one of the ports of supply on their way to Australia. She tells him that they will reunite and find a place to cohabitate and call home.
Collin would prefer to reach port in Australia and then devise a plan for her escape. Livia worries that if she makes it to Australia and reaches Miles Cowerds whorehouse she will be a prisoner there forever. She hears the tales of indentured servants trying to escape in that un-escapable place, being hunted down, and brutally whipped and branded as a warning to others. She decided that she could not wait.
She heard a couple of sailers talking about their preparations for a supply boat arriving in two days hence when the Destiny anchors off the coast of Cape Town. She decided that she would take the Vance and try to stow away on the supply boat on its return to shore. Having free reign of the ship, being the first mates doxy, She hoped to go unnoticed as she hid on the supply ship. Everything went as planned. She took some of Collins coins that he had stashed away for safe keeping and made her way onto the supply boat, hiding under some tarps. The boat returned to the docks at cape town and Livia waited until dark to make her move. Meanwhile Collin was frantically searching the Destiny looking for his missing bedmate.
As Livia lifted the tarp when everything seemed the quietest, the docks looked passable. But as she climbed from the boat and set foot on the dock she heard a growl and not ten feet away stood a constable and a mastiff on a leach. “ Best you stand still girl. Barney here been looking for a bone to chew on all night. I’m guessing you don’t want to be that bone” Livia froze in her tracks not wanting to anger the snarling mutt.
Livia was taken to a small cell in the jail near the docks. She tried to tell them that she was looking for her boyfriend, a sailer. But after the constable noticed the letters on her dress, “ HMS Destiny” , he sent word by messenger to the ship. In a short time the ships captain, first mate Collin Lawson and half a dozen crew members arrived at the jail. “Well it appears to be your slut, Mr Lawson. I should keel haul the wench , the barnacles would teach her a lesson but I don’t think the whorehouse would be happy with skin ripped of that pretty face and her titties. So I leave it up to you to punish her. I’m making her your problem. Don’t let me down. You are my first mate. Prove to me your worth that title.
Livia pleads, “Collin, it’s all a mistake. I was kidnapped by the men on the supply boat”.... “ Shut up woman.” The first mate yells. “ You have gone too far this time.” Collin Lawson conferred with his sailers and sent them off in all directions. Within 10 minutes the docks were thick with sailers from the ships anchored in the harbor. When Livia was led out of the jail she was surprised to see sailers lined up on each side of the long dock as far as the eye could see. Each man held in their hand either a belt, a whip, or a cane. Livia cried out as Collin ordered her to strip bare. Livia, never shy when it came to baring her body, fumbled with the buttons on her dress, her body taking on a crimson blush. Not in front of so many men. The sailers all cheered as her comely body was fully exposed to them.
Collin grabbed the back of her neck and pushed her near the front of the line. “ It’s the gauntlet for you. Run fast Livia. Protect your eyes. Keep moving. Don’t stumble and fall. A stationary target gets the most lashes and I fair guess your ass and titties will be the target. Shall we get started men?” The men raucously shouted in unison, “Aye”. With a shove he sent Livia down the tunnel of men. Suddenly arms began to swing their weapons, aiming for different parts of their woman’s naked body. Livia took a belt across her bottom, a cane to the right breast, and a whip to the groin. She lowered her hands for just a second to protect herself but a cane to the left ear made her bring her arms up to protect her face.
Blows were coming from all directions as she swerved her way thru the gauntlet of men. Crying out with each blow she almost stumbled after a whip stroke caught the back of her thighs. It was getting hard to see now as tears began welling in her eyes. Her breasts and bottom were receiving the brunt of the strokes and were decorated with red wheals. She almost reached the end she thought as she approached the last of the men, but instead she was grabbed and shoved back in the opposite direction. She began screaming now, begging for mercy but the blows kept landing. There was no unviolated skin on her body by the time she once again reached the start of the line. She looked at Collin, pleading for her punishment to stop but Collin just pointed in the other direction and she was turned and shoved forward once again.
A stiff leather belt made a direct hit on her left nipple dead center. She screamed loudly thinking her nipple had been ripped off, both of her hands went to her left breast. A wicked cane stroke across her right temple caused her to stumble and almost fall. The sailers thinking that she was falling closed in on her and suddenly her left foot got entangled with one of the sailers and down she went. Outstretched on her belly, the blows rained down on her back. Brutal searing pain scorched the back of her body from the nape of her neck to the soles of her feet. She covered her head as she scrabbled along the wooden dock, her fingernails and toenails digging into the soft wood, trying to regain her feet. Stumbling along she once again mAde it to the end of the line. Unable to go any further, she collapsed .
Just as the men began to close in on her, they were called off by the first mate. “Enough”he yelled. “She has been punished. Go back to your ships.”
Slowly he made his way to the prone naked woman. Livia was in a stupor, sobbing uncontrollably, her body a mass of welts with cuts. Collin Lawson slowly bent over and lifted the limp body into his arms. Without comment he carried her back to the small boat that would take them back to the Destiny.
( to be continued)