No I just can't help to wonder what would happen if we would create an illustrated version of the bible.
David fornicating with Bersheba, Tamar being raped by her half-brother, murder, slaughter, torture, the recommendation to force-marry underage girls and whooops ... a cruxification!
This book should defnitely be banned!
I already wrote the first chapter
On April 14, well out in the North Atlantic, the Titanic’s radio operators began to receive warnings ... I remember that voyage, Barb - it was weird... :eek:
www.cruxforums.com
Adam Goldman stretched out his arm to stroke the delectable left breast of the delectable Eve Moore. Sometimes he missed that rib, but at the moment, not so much. The Big Guy had been right about him needing some companionship and Eve fit that bill rather well. Last night, she had done that special thing (hey it's paradise, right and it wouldn't be paradise without an occasional blow job, would it?) and it had been good. No begatting from that either, though maybe later, who knows?
But right now he was hungry. "Say, Eve, how about a little breakfast? Whaddaya got? Maybe a bagel with some nice smoked salmon? Some manna from heaven?"
Eve stirred. "Sorry, Goldman. We're all out of smoked salmon and the Eden Deli doesn't open until later. As far manna, we've had that every day for the last six months. I'm sick of manna."
There was a rustling sound as a serpent slithered over to the bed of fragrant petals that had fallen from the tree under which they had slept. "You could make him a nice apple pie," he hissed.
"Yeah, Goldman, that would be nice wouldn't it? A little cinnamon, some cloves and nutmeg. That would get the bad taste out of my mouth."
"What bad taste, Moore? That's the future of humanity you're talking about. But you know very well that the Big Guy said no apples."
"You could sneak one while the Big Guy is busy with that supernova over in the Andromeda nebula. What he doesn't know, won't hurt him," the snake hissed.
"You shut up!" Adam said.
"It's tempting," Eve said. "He can't be everywhere at once, can he? Come on Goldman, can't you smell that pie baking? Live a little!"
"I dunno, Moore, this sounds like a bad idea."
"What if while the pie is baking, we, you know..."
"I see trouble coming," Adam said, but before he could stop her, she had reached up and grabbed a big, fat, juicy apple off the tree.
Suddenly a booming voice rang out. "I saw that, Moore!" the Big Guy said. "You remember I strictly forbade you to pick any of those apples."
"But...but..he said it was OK!" Eve protested, pointing at the serpent.
"Who's the Boss here, him or Me?" the voice asked.
"Well, technically, that would be Bruce Springsteen," Adam replied, "But I see your point. Eve really screwed up this time, didn't she?"
"Big time!" the Big Guy replied. "You guys are going to have to hit the road, I'm afraid. Out of here, on the double!"
"Listen," Adam replied. "That seems a little harsh. We got nowhere else to go. Why don't you let me take care of this?"
"How?" the Big Guy asked.
"Well, she does have a very nice tight little," Adam replied.
"And?"
"I could, you know, apply some punishment to it, if you get my drift. And you could watch, of course."
"Hmm...that sounds interesting. I suppose she would wriggle and squirm and shriek and moan, wouldn't she?"
"Oh, I'll guarantee that," Adam replied.
"OK, it's a deal. We'll give you guys another chance provided you punish her really well."
Adam turned to Eve. "You heard the man, Moore. Well, he's not actually a man, but you know what I mean. So go cut me a nice supple willow branch and get that tight little over that log." Eve slunk away muttering something about why her tight little had to be whipped rather than the serpent's, but she had to admit that the serpent didn't really have a tight little...