Limericks

[montycrusto]

@Praefectus Praetorio ’s keen
To cast Barb as the plagiarism queen.
But she’d no Moore steal
Than she’d ever reveal
How the site crashed in 2013.

 

[montycrusto]

You’ll note, Barb said “no Moore...”
Indeed! Agreed! D’accord!
Since “no more” means “the same”,
Barb must be in the frame
For both the crimes laid at her door.

 

[montycrusto]

So our logic proceeds at fast pace;
It’s no good Barb making that face.
We have proved with panache
It was Barb caused the crash,
The prosecution rests its case.

 

[montycrusto]

The jury will now retire,
To consider if Barb’s a liar,
Then return to the court
Where they certainly ought
Give the verdict we all require.

 

[Barbaria1]

No, no, it wasn’t me
As one can surely see
I’m never so brash
As to cause a crash
In truth, it was Monty

 

[montycrusto]

Judge Crusto, his gavel in hand,
Tells the jury foreman to stand.
“And have you decided
As quickly as I did
And reached the conclusion I planned?”

 

[montycrusto]

The foreman declared “Yes, Your Honour!
She’s got “Guilty” written upon her!
You can see in her face
That her crime’s a disgrace;
Please lay a most harsh sentence on her!”

 

[twonines]

This smacks of a kangaroo court,
In a trap Barb really is caught.
Monty`ll have her stripped
And publicly whipped.
And not give it a second thought.

 

[montycrusto]

Judge Crusto replied, “Very well!
Barb’s burgeoning crime-wave I’ll quell.
Her crime, it appears
Warrants twenty-odd years
Shackled deep in a dark dungeon cell.”

 

[twonines]

Barb will do some very hard time,
Deep in some dark dingy mine.
It`s sad to relate,
That`s often her fate,
So frequently recorded in rhyme.

 

[montycrusto]

“But since this appears much too kind,”
(Said the judge), “Her tight little behind,
Shall also be whipped,
While naked she’s stripped,
A fair sentence, I think you’ll find!”

 

[montycrusto]

“This part of the sentence may
Be carried out this very day.
After she’s whipped
She’ll be locked in her crypt
And she’ll realise that crime doesn’t pay.”

 

[montycrusto]

“This hearing now adjourns,
And the jury may now take turns,
To approach the bench,
And rape this wench;
A fate she so rightly earns!”

 

[montycrusto]

The men formed an orderly queue,
And politely said “No, after you!”,
The convict said “eep!”
As each man went balls-deep
In her ass and vagina too.

 

[montycrusto]

Now covered in sperm and bruises,
Her dignity, Barbara loses.
Then she’s dragged by the hair
To the town square
To suffer some further abuses.

 

[montycrusto]

The whipping-pillory there
Is a stoutly-built affair.
Its bloodstained wood
Has seen many a good
Tight little whipped derrière.

 

[montycrusto]

When locked in its timber beams,
And whipped, Barb utters loud screams,
A remarkable sound
That makes a profound
Impression on folks, it seems.

 

[montycrusto]

They watch with excited awe
As the flogger imposes the law
On the tight little butt
Of the convicted slut
With twenty strokes and moore..

 

[montycrusto]

Judge Crusto then orders a pause,
And wields his own judicial tawse.
After spanking her globes
He lifts up his robes
And says “Suck! Like the cheapest of whores!”

 

[montycrusto]

Reluctantly Barb complies,
With extreme disgust in her eyes.
The pillory’s locks
Keep her wedged in the stocks
And she cannot do otherwise.