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Now This Just Isn't Funny

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Joined
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Gibbs505

SERVORUM DOMITOR
Joined
Jul 23, 2012
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29,373
Location
Canada
Some airline humor:

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
 

dommmu

Magistrate
Joined
Dec 5, 2017
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1,695
Location
Somewhere in the middle of Europe
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
I have read this list several times before, but this one always gets me :roflmao:

I can't find the source right now, but I once read a story where a newly programmed software was shipped and they forgot to replace some of the temporary error message texts by the actual ones. Then the support got a call from a user who said he just saw a weird error message. The text was something like: 'Dear programmer, fix this bug at last - or there will be no more days off!'
 

phlebas

PRIMUS POENUS
Joined
Feb 17, 2006
Likes
84,229
Location
Oz
I have read this list several times before, but this one always gets me :roflmao:

I can't find the source right now, but I once read a story where a newly programmed software was shipped and they forgot to replace some of the temporary error message texts by the actual ones. Then the support got a call from a user who said he just saw a weird error message. The text was something like: 'Dear programmer, fix this bug at last - or there will be no more days off!'
In my experience there is only one error message that is required, well, possibly two. PEBKAC

pebkac_1_20110724-22047-1u7h1yx.gif 29baa48b23376dd59986b475debb5306.gif
 

dommmu

Magistrate
Joined
Dec 5, 2017
Likes
1,695
Location
Somewhere in the middle of Europe
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