Why do I like Cruxforums?

[Barbaria1]

Before too long I had decided to throw caution to the winds and began downing my third glass of Riesling. For appearances sake I put on my most studious face. At the head of the writers’ table Windar was holding forth on the best ways to portray a judicial caning. I took another sip of wine ... and tried to focus on what he was saying ... he was well into the finer points of how he had portrayed the caning of Priya and me before a sellout crowd in a college basketball arena ... but my attention was wandering. More CFers were arriving every minute, and I kept turning in my seat to identify who they were.

Eulalia was there, her arrival greeted with cheers. Things would be picking up soon now that she’s on the scene, I told myself.

And Phlebas, Baracus, Naraku, Jon Smithie, l’bogo, Theseus, Juan1234, Ted Parry, Mymartinet, XSO, Jacksig89, Heineudo, and Connoisseurs had arrived as well.

And more cruxgirls too. LittleSiss and Yupar arrived together, and were met with hugs and kisses by Messaline. Jackie had each of them fill out entry chits for the evening’s much anticipated torture and crucifixion lottery drawing. And when Cynthia the Innocent, Aedile, Willowfall, FatSlaveGirl, Roberta, Dafnees and Marcella turned up, they too were entered..

Deciding I had heard enough at the writers’ table, I got up and made my way over to the artists’ table, at which a lively discussion, led by Mp5stab was underway on the topics of hair, nails and blood. As I approached, Madiosi rose from his chair to graciously offer it to me. As I took his place, I found myself seated between Montyctusto, who was busily filling in a highly detailed sketch of some poor girl subjected to police brutality, and Jimsac, who was busy working on a pictorial story of the sufferings of Queen Malins. Across from me sat Andyman, with a stack of his crux drawings close at hand. Others at the table included Damian, SkatingJesus, Doe1971, Dazza, Markus, Michelle Patri, GoatJr, Settantuno, Savarius, SeD and Jedakk. So much talent all in one place! I felt as though I was in the company of royalty.

I listened for awhile to opinions the artists were bouncing back and forth about technique and medium, drained the last of my third drink, stood up a little unsteadily, excused myself, and then wandered off in search of the loo.

 

[Rias]

and naughty squirrel come to red lion bar and eat all cookies and drink whole coffee and whole alcohol


and from this moment in all bars,restaurants,shops and "coffee shops" have this sign is on doors:

 

[Gibbs505]

Well, blame the US Post Office. They’ve been having difficulties lately. But hey, this is the Internet and this is CF, step right up and transport yourself to the Red Lion and join the party. It’s never too late.

Hmmm, have to saddle my horse and head to the nearest town where I could catch a train to where there is an airport. Someone will also have to take care of the team of huskies as well!
Make sure that the beer is cold and the women hot!

 

[Crux-Emperor Baracus X]

Hmmm, have to saddle my horse and head to the nearest town where I could catch a train to where there is an airport. Someone will also have to take care of the team of huskies as well!
Make sure that the beer is cold and the women hot!

Sadly in Britain we have Cold Women and Hot Beer.....

 

[fallenmystic]

Sadly in Britain we have Cold Women and Hot Beer.....

Maybe you can just drink your women and date the beer?

 

[Crux-Emperor Baracus X]

I strode into the room,and announced my arrival....
"Hi,everyone, I'm Baracus, I DO hope,I've come to the right place....??"
A large group of men and a few women,turned to look at me,looks of confusion upon their faces...
Instantly I got the impression that something wasn't right....

The walls were bedecked with Crossed Hammers and slogans,such as GSB OUT,West Ham Till I Die,IFFB...a loud hubbub of angry East-End Cockney voices,"COOOOM OOOON YOUUUU FUUUCKING 'AMMERS !!"
Claret and Blue scarves everywhere !!
A football match was showing on the huge,wall-sized screen opposite..... it read WHU 1 Spurs O.

This wasn't Cruxforums,SURELY ?!
Where WERE the naked,crucified,Women,I'd been promised ?? "Ohhhh...Shit !!"
That cheeky Blonde barmaid had directed me to the wrong flaming meeting !! "Bollocks !!"
Much as I wanted to see how the game panned out,amongst fellow Irons supporters,this place wasn't really where I wanted to be,tonight... !!
I made my excuses, downed my J.D & Coke and left,red-faced,with embarrassment,and spied the other meeting room door further up,on the left.
Shaking my head in annoyance, I took another deep breath, and entered the room.
I stood dumbfounded, at the scene that greeted me !!.....

 

[Loxuru]

There is nothing I could loose by just going in. The Red Lion, well it looked like a very .. une boîte très chique! Very stylish. Not what I imagined to be a ‘pub’, something I more associated in my mind with a countryside setting.

In the countryside, we could have practiced Ancient Rome’s penal techniques freely in the open. We would only risk to be disturbed by an occasional fox hunting party passing by, but I bet they would be so focused on their pleasures, the would not notice us.

I get me table, a little bit in the dark, but with a view on the entrance and the venue. I look around, waiting for a waiter, almost snap my fingers to call : “Garçon!”, faithful to my continental habits, until I realize, I probably should go along the counter to order. Shall I order? And what? I am actually a bit hungry, and I want a beer. What could I eat? Long ago, a guide for low budget student travelling advised for the UK to take a ploughman’s lunch : simple, not too expensive, and not bad for what you pay for it. I have followed this advice since, even for diner, when I was in the UK, and it actually never disappointed me. But I do not find it on the menu list. Probably, ploughmen have little work to do around Westminster. Unless you count in the backbenchers in parliament.

So, I decide to take a snack and beer. Wait a minute : what’s the difference between bitter and lager again?

Taking my little lunch, I keep watching the venue. People come and go, but I cannot find out if someone is here for… our particular meeting. Some address the counter and are guided to a door. There seem however to be more private meeting spaces here. The place is visited by many MP’s, and how does one distinguish a Right Honourable Member of Parliament from a Right Honourable Member of Cruxforums?

Suddenly, a thought pops up! Imagine, Dorothy Brown would walk in here! Since she most likely will not be accompanied by her hubby to this meeting, will she be escorted by a CruxForums Gentleman when walking into the pub? Tree perhaps?

We should have had agreed about some discrete recognition tag! The Times, folded under our right armpit, or so. But many visitors here do! Shall I stand up, and ask discretely at the counter for that.. special meeting?

 

[twonines]

Sadly in Britain we have Cold Women and Hot Beer.....

We have not had decent beer since the 1970s, when the Brewers started to produce cat piss which could be chilled/frozen so that one could not discern its vile taste.
Real ale is hard to find, should be drunk at room temperature and needs a skilled publican to keep it in good condition. The Brewers wanted a product which was cheap and easy to produce and took no skill to maintain, so that instead of tenants, they could employ low paid ,low skilled "managers"
End of rant!

 

[Crux-Emperor Baracus X]

We have not had decent beer since the 1970s, when the Brewers started to produce cat piss which could be chilled/frozen so that one could not discern its vile taste.
Real ale is hard to find, should be drunk at room temperature and needs a skilled publican to keep it in good condition. The Brewers wanted a product which was cheap and easy to produce and took no skill to maintain, so that instead of tenants, they could employ low paid ,low skilled "managers"
End of rant!

Yep

 

[Barbaria1]

and naughty squirrel come to red lion bar and eat all cookies and drink whole coffee and whole alcohol
View attachment 903215View attachment 903216View attachment 903214

and from this moment in all bars,restaurants,shops and "coffee shops" have this sign is on doors:
View attachment 903217

Giggle snort!

Very clever, Rias!

Hmmm, have to saddle my horse and head to the nearest town where I could catch a train to where there is an airport. Someone will also have to take care of the team of huskies as well!
Make sure that the beer is cold and the women hot!

Sadly in Britain we have Cold Women and Hot Beer.....

Maybe you can just drink your women and date the beer?

Giggke snort X 3 ...

 

[Barbaria1]

There is nothing I could loose by just going in. The Red Lion, well it looked like a very .. une boîte très chique! Very stylish. Not what I imagined to be a ‘pub’, something I more associated in my mind with a countryside setting.

In the countryside, we could have practiced Ancient Rome’s penal techniques freely in the open. We would only risk to be disturbed by an occasional fox hunting party passing by, but I bet they would be so focused on their pleasures, the would not notice us.

I get me table, a little bit in the dark, but with a view on the entrance and the venue. I look around, waiting for a waiter, almost snap my fingers to call : “Garçon!”, faithful to my continental habits, until I realize, I probably should go along the counter to order. Shall I order? And what? I am actually a bit hungry, and I want a beer. What could I eat? Long ago, a guide for low budget student travelling advised for the UK to take a ploughman’s lunch : simple, not too expensive, and not bad for what you pay for it. I have followed this advice since, even for diner, when I was in the UK, and it actually never disappointed me. But I do not find it on the menu list. Probably, ploughmen have little work to do around Westminster. Unless you count in the backbenchers in parliament.

So, I decide to take a snack and beer. Wait a minute : what’s the difference between bitter and lager again?

Taking my little lunch, I keep watching the venue. People come and go, but I cannot find out if someone is here for… our particular meeting. Some address the counter and are guided to a door. There seem however to be more private meeting spaces here. The place is visited by many MP’s, and how does one distinguish a Right Honourable Member of Parliament from a Right Honourable Member of Cruxforums?

Suddenly, a thought pops up! Imagine, Dorothy Brown would walk in here! Since she most likely will not be accompanied by her hubby to this meeting, will she be escorted by a CruxForums Gentleman when walking into the pub? Tree perhaps?

We should have had agreed about some discrete recognition tag! The Times, folded under our right armpit, or so. But many visitors here do! Shall I stand up, and ask discretely at the counter for that.. special meeting?

Here’s proof that Continentals will never quite fully understand the English and the English will never quite ... what? ... Brexit? ... well, yeah ... there you go ... see what I mean?

 

[Hugin&Munin]

We have not had decent beer since the 1970s, when the Brewers started to produce cat piss which could be chilled/frozen so that one could not discern its vile taste.
Real ale is hard to find, should be drunk at room temperature and needs a skilled publican to keep it in good condition. The Brewers wanted a product which was cheap and easy to produce and took no skill to maintain, so that instead of tenants, they could employ low paid ,low skilled "managers"
End of rant!

Fortunately, in Germany we still have many types of beer that don't have to be ice cold and I love beer from Ireland. Except for Guinnes, which is standard there. But I also enjoyed Smithwicks, Kilkenny, Beamish, Murphy's Irish Stout and Harp Lager.

 

[Barbaria1]

Fortunately, in Germany we still have many types of beer that don't have to be ice cold and I love beer from Ireland. Except for Guinnes, which is standard there. But I also enjoyed Smithwicks, Kilkenny, Beamish, Murphy's Irish Stout and Harp Lager.

But I read somewhere that many German brewing houses had closed or converted to cheaper, more “fashionable” beers. Is that true?

 

[Hugin&Munin]

But I read somewhere that many German brewing houses had closed or converted to cheaper, more “fashionable” beers. Is that true?

That's right, but especially in Saxony or where I live in Thuringia there are still many breweries that produce real hand-made beer without a large brewery group being involved. Except for the Köstritz brewery with its black beer, which is still produced here, all other Köstritz beers come from outside. And lately there have been a lot of craft beers from young master brewers who want to try something different.

 

[Barbaria1]

I stood dumbfounded, at the scene that greeted me !!.....

Heh. You haven’t seen the half of it yet. Just wait till they announce the half dozen winners (losers) of the evening’s CF torture and crucifixion lottery! No English football match party would stand a chance competing with the spectacle to be seen here. So step right in and pull up a chair, Baracus, unless you’re willing to lend your skilled hand in assembling crosses. Tree could use some help.

 

[Barbaria1]

Fortunately, in Germany we still have many types of beer that don't have to be ice cold and I love beer from Ireland. Except for Guinnes, which is standard there. But I also enjoyed Smithwicks, Kilkenny, Beamish, Murphy's Irish Stout and Harp Lager.

You’re making my head spin. This is why I stick to a nice glass of Riesling.

 

[windar]

We would only risk to be disturbed by an occasional fox hunting party passing by, but I bet they would be so focused on their pleasures, the would not notice us.

As Oscar Wilde put it, "The unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable"

We have not had decent beer since the 1970s, when the Brewers started to produce cat piss which could be chilled/frozen so that one could not discern its vile taste.
Real ale is hard to find, should be drunk at room temperature and needs a skilled publican to keep it in good condition. The Brewers wanted a product which was cheap and easy to produce and took no skill to maintain, so that instead of tenants, they could employ low paid ,low skilled "managers"
End of rant!

In North America, it's the golden age of craft brewing. There are literally so many first-rate beers of every type being made in every garage and old factory that it's impossible to try them all (though I'm determined to give it my best shot)

he was well into the finer points of how he had portrayed the caning of Priya and me before a sellout crowd in a college basketball arena ... but my attention was wandering.

A couple of hard strokes to your tight little should get your attention, I think...

This wasn't Cruxforums,SURELY ?!
Where WERE the naked,crucified,Women,I'd been promised ?? "Ohhhh...Shit !!"
That cheeky Blonde barmaid had directed me to the wrong flaming meeting !! "Bollocks !!"

Uh, oh, I think Stan and Bill may find themselves in a bit of a sticky wicket or bases loaded with no outs or something. Well, they can always blame it on Barb

 

[Loxuru]

You’re making my head spin. This is why I stick to a nice glass of Riesling.

Wasn't our next meeting in Bavaria?

 

[Loxuru]

Inspector Bill Pritchard of Scotland Yard looked at the clock above the bar at the Garter and Swan. "I think we'd better head over to the Red Lion now, Stan."

Detective Stan Goldman of the NYPD was staring at his phone. "Mmm.." he replied distractedly.

"Got pictures of your last session with Moore on there?"

"Of course," Stan replied, "But that's not what I'm looking at. Check this out."

Bill stared at the screen, not getting it. "Come on, Bill, look at these two statements side by side. You're getting rusty in your old age.," Stan prompted him.

Finally, it dawned on Bill. "I see, so there are two separate Cruxforums! Two groups of filthy perverts! Who would imagine that?"

"Bingo!" Stan replied, not sure whether they played that game in England. "Or quoits, perhaps!" "So what do we do? Should we call in re-inforcements? This may be bigger than we thought."

"I thought we agreed not to get our departments involved. International incident and all that, what with Brexit here and the election there it could be a sticky wicket."

"That's sort of like a stolen base, right?'

"Exactly."

"Then we'd best split up," Stan said. "I'll take the one on the left downstairs and see what Moore is up to, and you take the one upstairs on the right with that Baracus fellow."

"Well, then, off we go..."

Wait a minute!? Is that Red Lion bugged by all technological means?
Not surprising, after all, considering its strategic location in Westminster!

 

[Rias]

Wasn't our next meeting in Bavaria?

View attachment 903399View attachment 903400