7.
BEAUREVOIR CHATEAU, COUNTY OF SAINT-POL, PICARDY.
TWO MONTHS LATER.
In a lodging in the highest tower of the castle.
Voices : “Jehanne! Psst! Jehanne!”
Jehanne : “Was… Are you there again!?”
Voices : “First of all, Jehanne, in the name of God Almighty, we congratulate you for accomplishing your sacred mission! You did a great job! Better than we expected, to be honest!”
Jehanne : “Danke schön, aber.. I would like to go back to my sheep now!”
Voices : “That moment you stepped to the Dauphin and said : ‘Listen, you drunk! Now you stop nagging and whining, sit down on your knees, and do what the archbishop tells you to do! Understand!? Or shall I call your mother!?’. Man! The look on his face, then! Unforgettable!”
Jehanne : “It worked, hmm? Everything went by the book, afterwards! Now, could you bring me back to my sheep?”
Voices : “Jehanne, there is, first of all, something we wanted to tell you! It is a bit embarrassing.. for us, but.. since you will ultimately become canonized, and then get free access to our classified files….we thought we could tell you now as well!”
Jehanne : “Tell me what!?”
Voices : “Jehanne, when we called you up, earlier this year, for your sacred mission, we… there has been a little mistake…!”
Jehanne : “Mistake? What mistake!?”
Voices : “A.. little mix up of identity, Jehanne! Actually, the sacred mission was intended to be.. carried out by another girl from Domrémy, also a shepherdess, resembling you,… Almost with the same name, hers was Jeanne…Unfortunately, we called up you!, by mistake!”
Jehanne : “Hein!?”
Voices : “We can assure you, that God Almighty has taken the matter Himself personally and ordered angels from Internal Affairs, to investigate the case seriously, and to report directly to Him! He is determined to do everything to avoid such mishaps in the future!”
Jehanne : “But while didn’t you call up the other girl, when you realized the mistake!?”
Voices : “We tried to, but we were too late! She got already engaged, and she was no longer a virgin, then, so we could not use her anymore! She soon thereafter married…”
Jehanne : “With baron LePlouff!?”
Voices : “Actually not, she…”
Jehanne : “Come, tell me! Tell me! I want to know!”
Voices : “Well, Jehanne, do not get upset now, promise me…!?”
Jehanne : “Tell me! Bitte!? You made me really curious now!”
Voices : “With a .. handsome son of a wealthy Parisian merchant!”
Jehanne : (censored cursing and swearing in German).
Voices : “We…understand your disappointment, Jehanne! Now, trust on one thing : God Almighty always keeps His promises!”
Jehanne (still angry) : “Promises!? What promises! I did my job, I was going home, but then, that wicked Duke of Burgundy had me arrested and locked up here!?”
Voices : “Sainthood, Jehanne! Your canonization!”
Jehanne : “Zum Teufel with that sainthood! Just get me out of here! Bring me back to my village and my sheep, where I was happy! And keep that Baron LePlouff away from me!”
Voices : “Jehanne…”
Jehanne : “And, meanwhile, let the Holy Spirit enlighten the memory of that bloke who can’t remember anymore where he put the key of that bloody chastity belt!”
Voices : “Jehanne! For the moment, it is better that you stay a bit out of sight! Wait until the political turmoil after King Charles’ coronation has settled a bit! The conditions of your confinement aren’t that bad!?”
Jehanne : “No it isn’t! And Dame de Luxembourg here is very kind lady and she is supportive to me! But that evil cochon of a Pierre Cauchon is after me, and he wants me tried and burned for being a witch!”
Voices : “But God Almighty will reward you with sainthood! Promised!”
Jehanne : “If it would depend on me, God Almighty may stick that sainthood in a place where… Just get me out of here, before das Schwein Cauchon arrives! Make yourself useful just for once! Donnerwetter, and that King Charles is neither a help! After all I did for him! Men! They are all the same!”
Voices : “Don’t blame him! He simple does not remember you! He was drunk, all the time you were around. There is a black hole in his memory, from your arrival in Chinon to the ceremony in the Reims cathedral! He simply cannot believe that a humble peasant girl like you has arranged the whole campaign for his coronation!”
Jehanne : “Nice! And I bet, you cannot bring his memory back, I assume! Course not!”
Voices : “Jehanne! We must go now! There are knights approaching the castle! Better we don’t stay around! Good luck!”
Jehanne : “Hey! Wait! Wait! If it is Cauchon, just send a deadly bolt of lightning on his head! Ganz einfach, ja!? Cannot be that difficult!? For once, you could be a real good help! Hallo!? Hallo!? Are you gone!? Yes! Run away, when I come into trouble! Verdammt noch mal! You can count on it, the very day I become a saint, I will file a very long list of complaints, to God Almighty Himself, about the poor service you provided!”
(Jehanne runs to the window.)
Jehanne : “A dust cloud indeed! They are coming for me for sure! What to do? I have to escape! Sofort!”
(She looks downward. Below, there is a dry moat, with bushes. But it is sixty-seventy feet lower.)
Jehanne : “Sheets! Quick! No! No time anymore! These stones, they strongly protrude, maybe I can climb down on them.”
Jehanne slips, feet first, through the window, seeking for support.
Jehanne : “Hals- und Beinbruch, Jehanne!”
(To be continued)
Poor Jehanne. They've all shafted her. 
